The Adoption Chat - Ask Ashley

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On today's episode we are taking a question from one of our viewers for an ASK ASHLEY segment.  

This question comes in from a Birth Mother in Michigan.

“My son that I placed for adoption is going to be turning one in a few months.  This has been the hardest year, I am missing out on SO many things.  I really want to celebrate his birthday.  Am I allowed to do that?  How do YOU celebrate and remember your son on his birthday?”

Ashley validates the feelings of a woman surviving the year of "firsts" as a Birth Mother.  She talks about the right that we have to celebrate and honor our children, especially during the birthday months!  She shares some tips on ways to celebrate the children, even if you are alone in that celebration.




I just want you to know that I KNOW how hard the first year can be.  When reality sinks in and milestone after milestone rolls out in the first 12 months of our child's life it can slap you in the face.   Always remember that just because we are childless through our daily life does not mean that we are NOT mothers!  I honor you and validate you and YES!  I encourage you to celebrate!!!  You are a mother, you have a child turning one....I celebrate Derek's birthday every year.  I don't ever miss it.  He is with me always and I consider it a great honor to honor him.  

Birthdays are hard.  I just want to tell the adoptive families that just because I don't reach out or say happy birthday doesn't mean I forgot or don't care.  It is quit possibly the worst day of my life.  I know that can seem selfish but my grief doesn't care about that.  I remember everything on the day that he was born.  EVERYTHING.  I am celebrating in every way that I know how.  Honor me while you honor him.