On today's episode we are taking a question from one of our viewers for an ASK ASHLEY segment.
This question comes in from an Adoptive Mother in Minnesota.
Ashley talks about how grief can attach to people that were involved in the event of placement. She knows how much the adoptive parents want to love their children's birth parents well but they can't SAVE them. It is not the responsibility of the adoptive mother to do that. She can love her, honor her commitments and support her but she can't save her. Birth parents need more help than they are capable of offering.
FROM THE HOST:
I love and honor the adoptive parents so much. Those that truly strive to do it well. Unfortunately we typically only hear of the families that didn't honor their commitments, that don't show up and that don't respect the birth mother and her role in the life of the child that was adopted. It is so hard for me to watch birth mothers suffer because the adoptive parents can't show up. THIS IS A REAL PROBLEM in this community. Insecurity, jealousy, grief, resentment, FEAR...you name it, these complex relationships have it. BUT that does not mean that we don't do everything on our power to love them well.
However, it is not the responsibility of the adoptive parents to SAVE the birth parents. We need more help than you can provide. We have to take responsibility for our own healing. Healthier birth mothers create a healthier adoption triad. WE HAVE WORK TO DO!