This is the only outlet for me because you have made it clear you do not wish to have a relationship with me. I know I love you and was open and honest about that with you, perhaps too honest. I am sure I was merely a curiosity to be satisfied. This was not how our relationship was supposed to turn out. I gave you to my godmother, a woman who would rock me when I was a baby, a woman who was my mother's best friend for over 30 years. She promised me that we could always be as involved, or un-involved, as we wished. At 19 I had no idea how hard giving you up for adoption would be, and am convinced that had I gone through an agency as opposed to promising this woman that I saw as a second mother to me, I could not have gone through with it. I still hear the whimper that escaped my lips as I passed you to her. You don't remember how we became buddies. You don't remember how you looked at my picture and said "Kelly, that's my girl." You don't remember coming down the stairs the morning after I last visited your house and asking for me. You don't remember the last time we saw each other, you were only 4. I wish I had known then that would be my last time to see you. I would have hugged you tighter, I would have begged for open communication to work out concerns that would present themselves later. I had no idea your mother, my godmother, would go back on her word, leaving me even more heartbroken. I lost you not once, but twice. I lived for the day when you would turn 18 and I could reach out. When you finally responded to me, I lost my breath, fell to my knees, and started looking desperately for an electrical outlet so I could plug in my phone at the airport gate terminal and not lose you all over again. For whatever reason which you have chosen not to share, you changed your mind about knowing me. I am still here, still loving you, still hoping maybe someday you will come back around.
SUBMIT YOUR OWN OPEN LETTER.
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