I’m done. For so long I tried to hold my pieces together, all of them so fragile and then completely broken after birth and placement. I’m done trying to pretend to be stronger than I am. But mostly? For me? IM DONE APOLOGIZING. Im done with going out to have fun with friends , ending up leaving early due to panic attack/ claustrophobia / this weird social anxiety I’ve never dealt with before until I gave up a kid , and then allowing myself to feel guilty and like I’ve done something wrong. I’m done trying to explain my mental state just to be met with the “get over it” or “move on” response. I’m done pretending that this adoption hasn’t shattered me to my absolute core and completely broken me from the inside out. I’m done with allowing people to tell me how I should feel when they’ve never even come close to being through what I’ve been through. I’m done trying to convince MYSELF that what I went through isn’t that big of a deal. I’m done denying myself the natural grieving process of a bereaved mother. I’m done trying to be the girl I was before I had my birth dautgher. I’m done defending the woman I’m fighting to become. Most of all though? I’m done trying to explain how I refuse to apologize for being psychologically damaged only a year and half after giving my first born , and how it may not seem like it makes sense but EVERY SINGLE psychological issue I am dealing with to this day stems from that day, that an actual piece of my skin and blood went home with another set of parents to call Mom and Dad and I went home with an empty stomach and empty chest. But they just don’t get it, do they?
SUBMIT YOUR OWN OPEN LETTER.
This is a chance to share your heart, no matter what part of the triad you relate to. We will publish your thoughts, no judgment, no censor, no questions asked. Submit and it will be added to the line-up. *all names will be removed.