The dead beat parent. That’s how you make me feel. As the women who gave birth to the child you love so much. Your child.My child. The child that made you a mother.
That was a harsh opening. I am sorry for that but if you are reading this then you are looking for the raw and real. Raw and real is what I will give.
So to break down the first paragraph we can start with the fact that you came to adoption for a number of reasons one of them wanting to be a mom. Well I came to adoption NOT because I did not want to parent but my circumstances did not make it a good time(to make it brief). With that being said neither one of us wanted to be here in the first place. But here we are. I also would like to add that I am addressing the childs OTHER mom here because to be honest the childs dad doesn’t seem to care too much what’s going on as long as his wife is okay.
I should address the fact that i love you dearly. You are the mother to my child, how could I not love you. I just don’t always like you. To the world we seem like we have a great relationship. Most of the time our relationship is great...as long as it’s on your terms. Which brings me to my point, you making me feel like the “dead beat” mom.
I see this kind of relationship all the time because of my background. The mom will only allow the father to come around IF he plays by her rules. So when he can’t always play by her rules because they are not logical and are soley based off her emotion he is forced to drop out the “game”. I use the word “game” because in a game you always try to prepare for what’s to come next but someone has to lose. That tends to be me or the “dead beat”.
As soon as I stop playing the game I am now the bad guy. Or at least you may not say it but just blame me. “She wanted it closed” or “It was too much for her” or “She’s taking time to work on her”. I mean yeah when you say it like that it just sounds selfish! But you won’t tell them the unlogical, impractical, unloving, and selfish rules you added to YOUR “game”.
Maybe that made sense and maybe it didn’t. But that is my raw and real. My reasons for this message you may ask so i will tell you. It feels damn good to get it off my chest. Now if you feel offended or convicted I would love for you to think through why. Could I be your birth mom? Are you worried I am? Then you may need to make some changes. Ultimately, my main message here though on a more unemotional and serious note, please love your birth momma well. Don’t add to the problems or struggles we face! You can help be a solution! You can help us remember why it’s all worth it. I’ve wanted to say this for a long time. They are OUR children too!!! We love them the same if not more than you do! Imagine someone dangling the baby in front of your face. It’s crushing. It feels easier to walk away. So you if don’t want to stop playing the game then don’t get mad when you make me lose and I leave.
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